Repeat back what you heard
Not ratedgeneral health evidence
Repeat the main point before replying, so misheard words don't become fights.
Start with the time you have
1 minute
Try the line out loud: 'What I heard was ___. Is that what you meant?'
5 minutes
Practise listening to one concern and summarising it before offering advice.
15 minutes
Take turns discussing one small disagreement, checking understanding before deciding what comes next.
How sure the science is
Not rated, general health evidence
- No pooled trials to rate.
- This rests on single studies, expert consensus or clinical practice.
- Measured in the general population.
- ADHD trials of this do not exist or are too small.
General NHS relationship guidance plus NIMH descriptions of ADHD-related conversational difficulties.
The number, drawn
Repeat back what someone said to check you understand
Why it matters
- Adults with ADHD may miss parts of a conversation or interrupt, and that can lead to misunderstandings.
- NHS guidance describes active listening as repeating back what the person said to check you've understood.
- It's a communication habit.
- There is no reliable ADHD-specific effect size for relationship satisfaction.
How to do it
- Pick a time when you can both actually pay attention.
- Let one person finish. Then sum up what they meant in your own words.
- Check you got it right before you explain your side.
- Communication exercises are not a solution to coercion or abuse.
- Seek confidential support if you feel unsafe.
Putting it into practice
In real life
- 'It sounds as if the change of plan left you feeling ignored. Have I understood?'
- 'I lost part of that sentence. Could you repeat the main point?'
Watch out for
- Common mistakeRepeating words without checking meaning can feel mechanical, so ask whether your summary fits.
- Common mistakeA discussion can get too heated to hear each other. Pause, and come back when you're calmer.
Trusted guides
How we rated it
- Evidence grade
- C Small or mixed studies, expert consensus or clinical practice. Worth knowing, not worth betting on.
- The number
- Repeat back what someone said to check you understand (NHS Every Mind Matters, 2026)
- Benefit
- 43/100 An editorial priority for the general list, weighted by certainty. It does not predict what will happen for you.
- Effort
- Some effort
Sources
- Tier 1 guidelineMaintaining healthy relationships and mental wellbeing (undated)NHS Every Mind Matters, 2026
- Tier 1 guidelineADHD in Adults: 4 Things to KnowNIMH, 2024
- General information about ADHD, not a diagnosis or an individual treatment plan.
- Tailoring changes the order of suggestions; it does not assess you.
- Medication decisions belong with you and a qualified clinician.