# Repeat back what you heard

Published by Pawel Jozefiak. [About this project](https://adhd100.jock.pl/about/), [How we check sources](https://adhd100.jock.pl/methodology/)

- Canonical: https://adhd100.jock.pl/listen-and-check-understanding/
- Language: en
- First published: 2026-09-29
- Evidence checked: 2026-09-29, using AI-assisted source verification
- Clinical review: Not clinically reviewed
- Number 69 of 100 in the list: https://adhd100.jock.pl/#listen-and-check-understanding

Before you answer, say back the main point, so a missed word doesn't turn into a fight.

**The number:** Repeat back what someone said to check you understand ([NHS Every Mind Matters, 2026](https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/lifes-challenges/maintaining-healthy-relationships-and-mental-wellbeing/))

## The evidence

- How sure: Certainty of evidence: Not rated. Measured in the general population; we say so because ADHD trials of this do not exist or are too small.
- Evidence grade: C. Grade C: small or mixed studies, expert consensus or clinical practice. Worth knowing, not worth betting on.
- Basis: General NHS relationship guidance plus NIMH descriptions of ADHD-related conversational difficulties.
- Benefit: 43/100. The benefit score is an editorial prioritization for the general list, weighted by certainty. It is not a prediction of what will happen for you.

## Why it matters

Adults with ADHD may miss parts of a conversation or interrupt, and that can lead to misunderstandings. NHS guidance describes active listening as repeating back what the person said to check you've understood. It's a communication habit. There is no reliable ADHD-specific effect size for relationship satisfaction.

## How to do it

1. Pick a time when you can both actually pay attention.
2. Let one person finish. Then sum up what they meant in your own words.
3. Check you got it right before you explain your side.

## Talk to a clinician first

Communication exercises are not a solution to coercion or abuse. Seek confidential support if you feel unsafe.

## Putting it into practice

### Start now

- 1 minute: Try the line out loud: 'What I heard was \_\_\_. Is that what you meant?'
- 5 minutes: Practise listening to one concern and summarising it before offering advice.
- 15 minutes: Take turns discussing one small disagreement, checking understanding before deciding what comes next.

### What it looks like

- 'It sounds as if the change of plan left you feeling ignored. Have I understood?'
- 'I lost part of that sentence. Could you repeat the main point?'

### Common mistakes

- Repeating words without checking meaning can feel mechanical, so ask whether your summary fits.
- A discussion can get too heated to hear each other. Pause, and come back when you're calmer.

### Trusted how-to guides

- [Maintaining healthy relationships and mental wellbeing (undated)](https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/lifes-challenges/maintaining-healthy-relationships-and-mental-wellbeing/), NHS Every Mind Matters

## Sources

- [Maintaining healthy relationships and mental wellbeing (undated)](https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/lifes-challenges/maintaining-healthy-relationships-and-mental-wellbeing/), NHS Every Mind Matters, 2026 (Tier 1 guideline)
- [ADHD in Adults: 4 Things to Know](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/adhd-what-you-need-to-know), NIMH, 2024 (Tier 1 guideline)

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General information about ADHD, not a diagnosis or an individual treatment plan. Tailoring changes the order of suggestions; it does not assess you. Medication decisions belong with you and a qualified clinician.

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